Coping With Loss
When the bond is broken: Coping with the loss of a companion animal
A Beloved Friend: Pets give us companionship and unconditional love, and our relationships with them are very special.
For many of us, our companion animal is a member of the family, and when the bond between us is broken, the resulting sense of loss and grief is as real, and sometimes as overwhelming, as when we lose a human friend or relative.
Whether an animal dies, is lost or stolen, or must be placed in a new home, the experience can cause great anguish.
Sorrow is a normal and natural reaction to the loss of a beloved friend. Yet, our culture does not provide us with the rituals to help us mourn the loss of a companion animal, as it does with the loss of a human. Even your best friends and relatives may not acknowledge or understand the depth of feeling you have for a lost pet.
The First Step:
The first step in coping with your grief is to acknowledge your feelings. Grieving the loss of a friend or companion is a sign of the love that existed between you, and the only way out of grief is to go through it.
The Stages of Grief
Understanding the grieving process may help you cope with your feelings and assist others who are grieving.
Typically, the grieving process consists of the following stages:
Denial
The mind’s attempt to cushion itself against a crushing blow.
Bargaining
If you only get better, Max, I’ll never skip your morning walk again.
Anger
May be directed outward (“Why couldn’t you have diagnosed this sooner, Doc!”) or turned inward as guilt (“If only I hadn’t stayed late at work that day.”).
Grief
The stage of true sadness and emptiness.
Resolution
Time passes, the distress gradually dissolves, and you begin to remember the good times with your pet.
Grief is very personal and we move through these stages in our own way and time. The longevity of your grief depends on many things, including the length of the relationship, the role the pet played in your life, whether the loss was preventable, other stresses you are facing, and the amount of support you receive from the people around you.
The Four Tasks of Mourning:
- Accept the reality of the loss
- Experience the pain of grief
- Adjust to the environment in which the deceased is missing
- Withdraw emotional energy and reinvest it in another relationship
Children And Pet Loss
Children should be told the truth about the death or loss of a pet in language appropriate to their age. Even though it may be hard for you, children need to know it is okay to talk about their lost pet or ask questions so that they, too, may progress through their own period of grieving.
Ways to Ease Your Pain
Say goodbye to your pet, even if he is already dead. “Talking” to your pet or writing a poem or letter to let him know how much he meant to you is a good way to say goodbye.
Plan and hold a funeral or memorial service for your pet….whatever has meaning for you. Even your children can contribute by sharing a memory of the pet or bringing flowers.
Share your feelings with a trusted relative or friend who understands what your pet meant to you.
Try to recall the good times that you shared with your pet by putting together a scrapbook or photo album.
Do something to help other animals in memory of your pet, like making a donation to an animal service organization, such as Hearing and Service Dog Program of Minnesota, Helping Paws of Minnesota, or your local humane society, or even volunteering at a local shelter.
Attend a support group. Your grief is personal, but it need not be solitary
Support For Your Loss
The Animal Humane Society of Hennepin County offers a Pet Loss Support Group for people who have lost a companion animal or who are anticipating such a loss.
The group is led by a trained facilitator and meets on Wednesday nights from 7:00 to 9:00 p.m. Come once or as often as you need to. Call (612)522-6009 if you have questions or want further information.
Are You....
experiencing feelings of grief, confusion, guilt, or anger over the recent loss of a pet?
feeling “stuck” in the grieving process for a pet who was lost some time ago?
wondering how to help your child cope with the loss of a family pet?
facing the possibility of euthanizing an elderly or sick pet?
wondering what you want done with your pet’s remains?
wondering when…or if…another pet would be right for you?
If so, you are encouraged to discuss and begin to resolve these problems in the supportive environment of the Animal Humane Society’s Pet Loss Support Group.
